June 9, 2010 - I get new tattoos! I'm going to be marked for radiation. And I was told that I'd have to wait to get my next tattoo!
June 11, 2010 - Blood work and measurements - fingers crossed for more good news like the last one!
June 14, 2010 - 3rd round of Chemo.
Three weeks after my 3rd round of Chemo I start what I've been calling "Phase 2" of my treatment.
Let me explain further....the first phase that I am currently undergoing is 3 rounds of Chemo drugs (initials are F,E & C....names are too long to remember) each 3 weeks apart. The second phase starts three weeks after the last round of "FEC" when I start "D" once a week for 9 weeks with a dose of radiation every Monday through Friday for the same 9 weeks. I've heard that it is the second phase that I may feel very tired and ill. Well, I was also told the same for the first phase and I've not seen any "major case" of illness!! Don't get me wrong, I've felt ill and tired a lot but I believe I'm having a much easier go of it than other people I've talked to and heard about. Some of the stories I've heard and read are so unlike mine that I keep waiting for the "other shoe to drop"....it's got to happen to me at some point! Maybe I'm not the one rare case that got to keep her hair, maybe I'm the rare case who flies through treatment with little to no discomfort....or maybe just like my hair I've spoken too soon and the pain and severe discomfort is coming. Who knows?!? I'll keep thinking my happy, positive thoughts, praying for little to no pain and using the power of my imagination to visualize Ted's demise!
Phase 3 is the more "radical" phase in my opinion...Surgery. It is the phase I've feared the most, for good reason. All along the doctors and nurses have told me that if you get cancer in one breast there is a good possibility that the other will eventually also be infected. Well, I'm not going through this twice if I don't have to! When it comes time for my surgery I will opt for a double mastectomy. That's right, take 'em both! Of course I would follow this up with reconstruction surgery, I am, after all, still young! It has not yet been determined if I can undergo the removal and reconstruction surgery at the same time but that is what I am hoping for. I also may have the option of having my new breasts made from other parts of me or artificial implants. Both options have their merits. As I'd like to remain as natural as possible my first instinct was to have my new breasts reconstructed from my belly, however, once I'm through treatment I might not have a belly anymore so that may be impossible! The idea of implants has never been appealing to me....but the idea of never sagging has! I guess we'll see when the time comes as to what my decision will be.
There are a lot of difficult decisions that come with creating Paul's new Trophy Wife!
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Hot Flashes!!
I thought having Cancer in the summer months wouldn't be so bad. Since I don't have to shave anymore I can just throw on a pair of shorts and go! With no hair on my head I won't have that nasty sweat dripping down the back of my neck in the sweltering heat this summer. And best of all, I wouldn't be cooped up in the house hiding from winter (that I hate anyway). This was all well and good until I had my first hot flash!! Boy did that suck!
It was just the other night after my second chemo treatment. I hit the hay early because I knew that my stomach would start doing acrobatics soon and I would need to lay down. I was cold when I went to bed so Paul brought me the beautiful quilt my Aunt & Uncle sent me and laid it on top of the other quilt and blanket and sheet that I was already under. I found that although I was tired I was unable to sleep. Luckily I have many many books to power through on my downtime so I jumped in to the one I was currently reading....I finished it. I started a new one and soon found myself drifting off. It was still early in the night and I awoke at 9:00pm to sweat pouring off of me! I threw back the blankets and gasped for air! I laid there for a while thinking it was just the number of covers I had on me that was causing the heat...a half hour later, I was still roasting! By now my stomach was in full swing (sometimes the anti-nausea drug just doesn't work) but I knew that I needed to get out of the full length pant pj's I went to bed in. I needed shorts and no sleeves. I groped my way to the closet and luckily found what I was looking for, I changed quickly and then threw myself on the bed hoping that by being horizontal my stomach would calm down. I realized that my Blackberry was laying on the bed....Paul was outside enjoying the "nice" (yeah, nice and HOT!) weather we were having......I sent him a text "TOO HOT!!" As soon as it was sent I heard the front door fly open and Paul running to the thermostat to turn the air conditioning on! Shortly after that I was cool again. Paul froze that night, but I was okay!
My second hot flash happened just this evening....at, of all places, the Laundromat! When I entered the Laundromat I noted that it was the same temperature it always is...warm because of the dryers and I thought nothing more of it. I like the heat for the most part. Little did I know what was about to happen! While our clothes were in the washer I sat and read my book. When I got up to move our clothes from the washer to the dryer I noticed a woman looking at me funny, she was trying to hide the fact that she was looking and me and wondering about the bandana on my head. I've always noticed the other "weirdos" in the Laundromat but tonight was the first time I felt like someone might think that I was one of them! Soon after a very loud obnoxious man came strolling in with a shopping cart carrying his laundry...no longer was I the weirdo! I listened to this man argue with the owner of the Laundromat and constantly complain about the machines....all I could think of was how negative he was and how ugly it all sounded. Finally my drying was done, all I had to do was fold and leave! No sooner did I get up to get the first load out than I realized just how hot I was! Holy crap!! And I still had to reach in to hot dryers and fold hot clothes!! I thought I was going to die! Thankfully we only had 3 loads so I worked quickly and got out of there. As soon as I was in the drivers seat of my car I cranked on the air-conditioning!! Ah, sweet relief! The car ride home was too short, but I moved quickly again to get the baskets of clothes from the car in to the coolness of the house.
I've heard women speak of hot flashes and how awful they can be but I never thought of myself having them....I now feel your pain ladies!! Thankfully we live in the day and age of air conditioning to help us through these vile hot flashes!!
It was just the other night after my second chemo treatment. I hit the hay early because I knew that my stomach would start doing acrobatics soon and I would need to lay down. I was cold when I went to bed so Paul brought me the beautiful quilt my Aunt & Uncle sent me and laid it on top of the other quilt and blanket and sheet that I was already under. I found that although I was tired I was unable to sleep. Luckily I have many many books to power through on my downtime so I jumped in to the one I was currently reading....I finished it. I started a new one and soon found myself drifting off. It was still early in the night and I awoke at 9:00pm to sweat pouring off of me! I threw back the blankets and gasped for air! I laid there for a while thinking it was just the number of covers I had on me that was causing the heat...a half hour later, I was still roasting! By now my stomach was in full swing (sometimes the anti-nausea drug just doesn't work) but I knew that I needed to get out of the full length pant pj's I went to bed in. I needed shorts and no sleeves. I groped my way to the closet and luckily found what I was looking for, I changed quickly and then threw myself on the bed hoping that by being horizontal my stomach would calm down. I realized that my Blackberry was laying on the bed....Paul was outside enjoying the "nice" (yeah, nice and HOT!) weather we were having......I sent him a text "TOO HOT!!" As soon as it was sent I heard the front door fly open and Paul running to the thermostat to turn the air conditioning on! Shortly after that I was cool again. Paul froze that night, but I was okay!
My second hot flash happened just this evening....at, of all places, the Laundromat! When I entered the Laundromat I noted that it was the same temperature it always is...warm because of the dryers and I thought nothing more of it. I like the heat for the most part. Little did I know what was about to happen! While our clothes were in the washer I sat and read my book. When I got up to move our clothes from the washer to the dryer I noticed a woman looking at me funny, she was trying to hide the fact that she was looking and me and wondering about the bandana on my head. I've always noticed the other "weirdos" in the Laundromat but tonight was the first time I felt like someone might think that I was one of them! Soon after a very loud obnoxious man came strolling in with a shopping cart carrying his laundry...no longer was I the weirdo! I listened to this man argue with the owner of the Laundromat and constantly complain about the machines....all I could think of was how negative he was and how ugly it all sounded. Finally my drying was done, all I had to do was fold and leave! No sooner did I get up to get the first load out than I realized just how hot I was! Holy crap!! And I still had to reach in to hot dryers and fold hot clothes!! I thought I was going to die! Thankfully we only had 3 loads so I worked quickly and got out of there. As soon as I was in the drivers seat of my car I cranked on the air-conditioning!! Ah, sweet relief! The car ride home was too short, but I moved quickly again to get the baskets of clothes from the car in to the coolness of the house.
I've heard women speak of hot flashes and how awful they can be but I never thought of myself having them....I now feel your pain ladies!! Thankfully we live in the day and age of air conditioning to help us through these vile hot flashes!!
You don't need hair to feel like a woman!
As I sit here and rub my now bald head....totally bald, not a single hair on it....I begin to think of the things my husband tells me that makes it not so bad.
I don't need hair to look like a woman, my hair does not define me. I have many other features that define me as a woman....
This is not a list that I came up with all on my own....it is Paul who tells me each day what defines me.
I don't need hair to look like a woman, my hair does not define me. I have many other features that define me as a woman....
- the way I walk,
- the way I talk,
- the way I carry myself,
- the positive attitude I have that many others don't,
- the way I can laugh in the face of Cancer,
- the way I "put my face on" in the morning
- and the way I take it off each night,
- the way I care for my husband while he's busy trying to care for me,
- the way I am determined to work as much as I can while I can to keep from going crazy,
- and definitely the way I still fight for others even though I'm in the middle of my own hour of need.
This is not a list that I came up with all on my own....it is Paul who tells me each day what defines me.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Eviction Notice #2 - May 25, 2010
After my appointment on Friday and all the good news I got, I headed to the lake for the weekend!
"We" spent the weekend building an awning on the trailer so we would have lots of shade and aren't trapped inside when it's raining! Thank you to Gary, Paul, Mark, Steve and anyone else who wandered over to help out! It's done, except for a few minor details, and it's awesome!!! I now have a very comfortable and cool place to relax on the weekends, and with the new floor inside the trailer it is a much cleaner place for me to be!
I thought I had a picture of it finished, but you get the point.
And the awning!! Just a few small details but otherwise it's done!
Cue ball!!
The tanned area....is my part! Haha!
My Mom picked me up at 9:15 and we headed for the Cancer Clinic. My appointment was for 10:15 am. and I was in the chair at 9:50 and out by 11:15. Mom had some "errands" to run so she dropped me off at home to rest. A few hours later I was feeling pretty crumby and rested on the couch until about 8:00pm when I headed for bed...and stayed there for 12 hours!
"We" spent the weekend building an awning on the trailer so we would have lots of shade and aren't trapped inside when it's raining! Thank you to Gary, Paul, Mark, Steve and anyone else who wandered over to help out! It's done, except for a few minor details, and it's awesome!!! I now have a very comfortable and cool place to relax on the weekends, and with the new floor inside the trailer it is a much cleaner place for me to be!
I thought I had a picture of it finished, but you get the point.
And the awning!! Just a few small details but otherwise it's done! Tuesday May 25, 2010 was Chemo day #2!
I got to sleep in for an extra hour, which was nice since we were up early all weekend to work on the awning. As I was washing my hair, what little hair I had left, it started coming out in my hands again. I grabbed the mirror and had a look..my hair line had receded considerably! Just from gently applying shampoo! Since it came off that easily I decided it was time to take it all off. Basically I pushed it off my head, I continuously ran my hands over my head from my forehead back and pushed it out until I couldn't get any more to come out. Wow, is my scalp ever white!!! I do have some hair left but it is very sparse, so, even though I've been advised not to I'm going to have Paul CAREFULLY take a razor blade to my head. They only advise against it in case the razor nicks my scalp because I have to avoid injury. So, I'm a cue ball!
I got to sleep in for an extra hour, which was nice since we were up early all weekend to work on the awning. As I was washing my hair, what little hair I had left, it started coming out in my hands again. I grabbed the mirror and had a look..my hair line had receded considerably! Just from gently applying shampoo! Since it came off that easily I decided it was time to take it all off. Basically I pushed it off my head, I continuously ran my hands over my head from my forehead back and pushed it out until I couldn't get any more to come out. Wow, is my scalp ever white!!! I do have some hair left but it is very sparse, so, even though I've been advised not to I'm going to have Paul CAREFULLY take a razor blade to my head. They only advise against it in case the razor nicks my scalp because I have to avoid injury. So, I'm a cue ball!
Cue ball!!
The tanned area....is my part! Haha!My Mom picked me up at 9:15 and we headed for the Cancer Clinic. My appointment was for 10:15 am. and I was in the chair at 9:50 and out by 11:15. Mom had some "errands" to run so she dropped me off at home to rest. A few hours later I was feeling pretty crumby and rested on the couch until about 8:00pm when I headed for bed...and stayed there for 12 hours!
This morning I'm feeling okay, but not 100%. I'm waiting for the nurse to arrive for my injection and then will try to get to the office, but we'll see how I feel then.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Disclaimer...
Please note - the names "Ted" and "Emily" are NOT a reflection of anyone we know now, or have ever known. If you are a Ted or an Emily please do not take offense to our use of your name...it was not intentional!
Friday, May 21, 2010
GOOD NEWS!!!
Today, May 21 I had an appointment at the Cancer Clinic. It was a pre-Chemo appointment. Kind of like a check-up.
I got great news! Ted has shrunk! After only one treatment!
What I hadn't mentioned yet is that Ted had found himself a sleezy little girlfriend, Emily, that he'd let move in. I guess even Ted didn't want to travel to Mexico alone. Before my first treatment on April 30 Ted measured 11 x 8 cm and Emily was just bigger than 4 x 4 cm...please note that these are external measurements so there is a lot more than just the tumour in that measurement.
I am happy to report that Ted (the slimely little man that he is) has shrunk to 8 x 6 cm and Emily is down to 2 x 2 cm! My blood work is excellent and in fact you'd never know I have cancer just by checking my blood! My cancer is not hormone driven so, if I understood correctly, the chemo shouldn't cause my ovaries to shrivel up and die! AND I don't need to have the porta-cath installed in my chest just under the skin to take chemo so they will continue to just stick me with a needle each time. Yay!!!
I have reason to celebrate this weekend! Albeit a dry celebration...but who cares! There will be lots of time for that later!
We're off to the lake for the weekend!
Have a great and safe weekend everyone!!!
I got great news! Ted has shrunk! After only one treatment!
What I hadn't mentioned yet is that Ted had found himself a sleezy little girlfriend, Emily, that he'd let move in. I guess even Ted didn't want to travel to Mexico alone. Before my first treatment on April 30 Ted measured 11 x 8 cm and Emily was just bigger than 4 x 4 cm...please note that these are external measurements so there is a lot more than just the tumour in that measurement.
I am happy to report that Ted (the slimely little man that he is) has shrunk to 8 x 6 cm and Emily is down to 2 x 2 cm! My blood work is excellent and in fact you'd never know I have cancer just by checking my blood! My cancer is not hormone driven so, if I understood correctly, the chemo shouldn't cause my ovaries to shrivel up and die! AND I don't need to have the porta-cath installed in my chest just under the skin to take chemo so they will continue to just stick me with a needle each time. Yay!!!
I have reason to celebrate this weekend! Albeit a dry celebration...but who cares! There will be lots of time for that later!
We're off to the lake for the weekend!
Have a great and safe weekend everyone!!!
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Bald is the New Brunette!!!
I've realized something....the wig isn't for me, it's for everyone else!
I'm okay with my bald head. I'm not okay with my head being hot and very itchy!! I'm not okay with worrying if it's on straight or if it looks okay! And I'm definitely not okay with how it smells! It's not that it smells really bad, but it smells like....a wig!! Maybe after a wash it might smell better.
When I tried it on in the store, it looked great. When I had it on in the salon to have it trimmed, it looked great. These two instances have two things in common....I only had it on for 5 minutes and I didn't have to move around. There was no need for me to touch it at all. Within an hour of having it on, on Wednesday morning, I found that when I turned my head to check my blind spot while driving it moved, when I am working at my desk with my head down it moved, and even walking around the office...it moved! There is only so much time I can spend in the bathroom tending to it.
For these reasons, and more, I've decided that I'm not going to wear it unless I have to. And honestly, when do I really "have to" wear it anyway?!? I don't foresee anyone having a problem with my comfort and if they do....I don't care! I have no problem wearing hats, I've got lots of them! So I'll have no problem wearing scarves to cover my head when necessary.
I don't know why women in this situation feel the need to "have to" wear a wig. I will admit that before I shaved my head I was worried (as you've read) about how I would look, what people would think and how I would feel about not having any hair. I'm over it! Bald is the new brunette!!! I've got enough to worry about, why waste time worrying about the trivial things...it's just hair, it will grow back! Eventually.
I've embraced my baldness, I hope you all can too!
I'm okay with my bald head. I'm not okay with my head being hot and very itchy!! I'm not okay with worrying if it's on straight or if it looks okay! And I'm definitely not okay with how it smells! It's not that it smells really bad, but it smells like....a wig!! Maybe after a wash it might smell better.
When I tried it on in the store, it looked great. When I had it on in the salon to have it trimmed, it looked great. These two instances have two things in common....I only had it on for 5 minutes and I didn't have to move around. There was no need for me to touch it at all. Within an hour of having it on, on Wednesday morning, I found that when I turned my head to check my blind spot while driving it moved, when I am working at my desk with my head down it moved, and even walking around the office...it moved! There is only so much time I can spend in the bathroom tending to it.
For these reasons, and more, I've decided that I'm not going to wear it unless I have to. And honestly, when do I really "have to" wear it anyway?!? I don't foresee anyone having a problem with my comfort and if they do....I don't care! I have no problem wearing hats, I've got lots of them! So I'll have no problem wearing scarves to cover my head when necessary.
I don't know why women in this situation feel the need to "have to" wear a wig. I will admit that before I shaved my head I was worried (as you've read) about how I would look, what people would think and how I would feel about not having any hair. I'm over it! Bald is the new brunette!!! I've got enough to worry about, why waste time worrying about the trivial things...it's just hair, it will grow back! Eventually.
I've embraced my baldness, I hope you all can too!
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Tell your friends!
If you know of someone I've missed in sending the link to my blog please tell them where to find it!
If anyone you know is interested in reading, please forward them the link! This was never meant to be kept a secret or kept within the circle of just family and friends....if my experience can help someone I'm happy to help them!!!
If anyone you know is interested in reading, please forward them the link! This was never meant to be kept a secret or kept within the circle of just family and friends....if my experience can help someone I'm happy to help them!!!
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
My Amazingly Supportive Family!!
Ever wonder what you'd do without family around to support you through good times and bad? I don't ever want to know what it's like to go through something like this without the support of my family and luckily for me I don't have to!
We are "The Robinsons" (even though Paul and I are actually Newington), our small family of 7 people are a very tight knit group! There is nothing that we would not do for each other and I Thank God everyday for allowing me to be a part of it! All through my 34 years I have been a very proud Robinson...how could I not be?!? Look at the people that are in this elite group!
The Matriarch, my Mom...a strong woman who taught me everything I know, who's foot steps I followed and who I admire for all that she is! Mom you taught me how to be a strong and successful woman and, if I don't say so myself, I think you did an amazing job! You taught me to go after what I want and not to settle for anything and I won't settle for anything but success!
My Hero....yes Stevie, that's you! I remember as a child looking at you and thinking "that's MY brother, he's so cool!" This is normally where I'd throw in a joke about how uncool you are....but really I still see you in the same light. You've seen me at my best and at my worst and you have never left my side. You've always been the one I can turn to when I needed advice and I knew that you'd give me exactly what I needed even if it was not what I wanted to hear. You have been and always will be My Hero!
My Sister-in-law Diane, who I've always wanted to call my sister. You shoot straight from the hip and I love you for that! You too have seen me at my best and at my worst and if Steve can't say it to me you can! I'm so happy that Steve found you. Somehow you keep him in line and that's no small task! I don't say it enough, I love you. And, if it wasn't for you there would be no Dillon or no Matthew and the world would have missed out on these two!
Dillon and Matthew, I can't wait to see what you guys do with your lives! You two may not always get along, but you will always have each other. Dillon, you have become quite the musician and I think you have a real future in it. Thank you for the songs, I can't tell you how much they mean to me! Matthew, your knowledge of so many different subjects amazes me! Whatever you become I know that you will be successful! Thank you both for your hugs each time I see you! I love you both very, very much!
My Husband Paul....the one who has my whole heart! You are the strong one when I can't be. I don't know how I got so lucky as to find you, but I did and I Thank God each day for sending you to me! I never have to wonder how much you love me because you always show it and there is never any question! I love you!
Speaking of my husband....Paul's side of the family are also an amazingly supportive group!! Paul comes from a much bigger family than I, and they are also a fantastic group of people who I am very proud to call my family! For fear of leaving anyone out I will say this....this family truly knows the meaning of unconditional love!
This "experience" would be so much worse to have to endure without the love and support of both of our families...they show us everyday just how much we are loved!
There is one more person in my family who I need to mention....Dad. I know that he is watching over me and has put in several good words with the "Big Guy"! Dad, it seems like it was just yesterday that we lost you. I know that if you were here you wouldn't be handling this nearly as well as you would make it seem on the outside. I miss you and I love you!
We are "The Robinsons" (even though Paul and I are actually Newington), our small family of 7 people are a very tight knit group! There is nothing that we would not do for each other and I Thank God everyday for allowing me to be a part of it! All through my 34 years I have been a very proud Robinson...how could I not be?!? Look at the people that are in this elite group!
The Matriarch, my Mom...a strong woman who taught me everything I know, who's foot steps I followed and who I admire for all that she is! Mom you taught me how to be a strong and successful woman and, if I don't say so myself, I think you did an amazing job! You taught me to go after what I want and not to settle for anything and I won't settle for anything but success!
My Hero....yes Stevie, that's you! I remember as a child looking at you and thinking "that's MY brother, he's so cool!" This is normally where I'd throw in a joke about how uncool you are....but really I still see you in the same light. You've seen me at my best and at my worst and you have never left my side. You've always been the one I can turn to when I needed advice and I knew that you'd give me exactly what I needed even if it was not what I wanted to hear. You have been and always will be My Hero!
My Sister-in-law Diane, who I've always wanted to call my sister. You shoot straight from the hip and I love you for that! You too have seen me at my best and at my worst and if Steve can't say it to me you can! I'm so happy that Steve found you. Somehow you keep him in line and that's no small task! I don't say it enough, I love you. And, if it wasn't for you there would be no Dillon or no Matthew and the world would have missed out on these two!
Dillon and Matthew, I can't wait to see what you guys do with your lives! You two may not always get along, but you will always have each other. Dillon, you have become quite the musician and I think you have a real future in it. Thank you for the songs, I can't tell you how much they mean to me! Matthew, your knowledge of so many different subjects amazes me! Whatever you become I know that you will be successful! Thank you both for your hugs each time I see you! I love you both very, very much!
My Husband Paul....the one who has my whole heart! You are the strong one when I can't be. I don't know how I got so lucky as to find you, but I did and I Thank God each day for sending you to me! I never have to wonder how much you love me because you always show it and there is never any question! I love you!
Speaking of my husband....Paul's side of the family are also an amazingly supportive group!! Paul comes from a much bigger family than I, and they are also a fantastic group of people who I am very proud to call my family! For fear of leaving anyone out I will say this....this family truly knows the meaning of unconditional love!
This "experience" would be so much worse to have to endure without the love and support of both of our families...they show us everyday just how much we are loved!
There is one more person in my family who I need to mention....Dad. I know that he is watching over me and has put in several good words with the "Big Guy"! Dad, it seems like it was just yesterday that we lost you. I know that if you were here you wouldn't be handling this nearly as well as you would make it seem on the outside. I miss you and I love you!
Bye bye short hair, it was fun while it lasted!
I've had enough of dealing with my hair loss....it's all gone! Today I went and had my head buzzed! The thinner it is was getting the bigger I would style it so that you couldn't tell where it was thinning. I was also using more hairspray than should be allowed so that the hairs that did fall out during the day were still stuck to ones that weren't and they wouldn't fall out.....it made sense at the time.
We arrived at the salon to find that Andrea and Derek had left me a little present to let me know they were thinking of me on what I thought was going to be a very hard time. Thank you guys! Love you!
So it's all gone...I got a #1! Before now I didn't really know what Paul meant when he said that's what he gets on the back of his hair....I know what it is now!!! It's my whole head! To be honest, it doesn't look too bad! You can really tell where it is thinning (at my temples, just like a man's would) but because it's not right down to the skin my head is still dark....for now. I'll have to sleep with a hat on to catch what falls out at night, AND to keep my head warm! Holy cow there is a huge temperature difference!!
In true Paul and Suzanne style we had some fun with it, when am I ever going to have a chance to shave a mohawk in my hair again?!? Never, so I got one today.....
Here's how it went down....
This is us just before we left the house headed for the salon.
This is me at the salon wonder what Paul is doing with the camera....he was pointing it at me from beside me and looking in the mirror across the room to see the screen on the back....notice the look on my face, it says "What in the world are you doing?!?"
There's no turning back now!!!
Can I pull off this look?!?
Just for fun!!!
All done!!!
Oddly enough it's very liberating!!!
We arrived at the salon to find that Andrea and Derek had left me a little present to let me know they were thinking of me on what I thought was going to be a very hard time. Thank you guys! Love you!
So it's all gone...I got a #1! Before now I didn't really know what Paul meant when he said that's what he gets on the back of his hair....I know what it is now!!! It's my whole head! To be honest, it doesn't look too bad! You can really tell where it is thinning (at my temples, just like a man's would) but because it's not right down to the skin my head is still dark....for now. I'll have to sleep with a hat on to catch what falls out at night, AND to keep my head warm! Holy cow there is a huge temperature difference!!
In true Paul and Suzanne style we had some fun with it, when am I ever going to have a chance to shave a mohawk in my hair again?!? Never, so I got one today.....
Here's how it went down....
This is us just before we left the house headed for the salon.
This is me at the salon wonder what Paul is doing with the camera....he was pointing it at me from beside me and looking in the mirror across the room to see the screen on the back....notice the look on my face, it says "What in the world are you doing?!?"
There's no turning back now!!!
Can I pull off this look?!?
Just for fun!!!
All done!!!
Oddly enough it's very liberating!!!
Monday, May 17, 2010
Summer's here!
We spent this past weekend at the trailer....our summer weekend home away from home!
We've talked about replacing the sand filled carpet for a few years now, and this weekend "we" finally did it! Who knew that the place would look that much better with hard wood-look laminate flooring instead of that nasty carpet?!? I can't believe how great it looks, Paul has done a great job on it. Next, a hard awning! I need shade! So that is the project for the long weekend, it's all mapped out and everyone is ready to build...while I supervise! Apparently having cancer gives you a reason to not have to do a lot of hard labour!....or maybe they just don't want me to help because they think I'll just be in the way, hmmm...either way I don't have to lift a finger!!!
I have no idea how much time we'll be able to spend at the trailer this summer but at least it will be a more comfortable and clean place for me to relax in while we are there.
Now, if only the incredibly immature rumour mill would stop churning out the most ridiculous stories and untruths...then time spent at the trailer would be that much more enjoyable! Oh, sorry....that was my outside voice! ;)
Next steps:
Friday May 21, 2010 - Blood work and meeting with Dr. Potvin for measurements.
Tuesday May 25, 2010 - 2nd round of Chemo (a.k.a. Eviction Notice #2)
We've talked about replacing the sand filled carpet for a few years now, and this weekend "we" finally did it! Who knew that the place would look that much better with hard wood-look laminate flooring instead of that nasty carpet?!? I can't believe how great it looks, Paul has done a great job on it. Next, a hard awning! I need shade! So that is the project for the long weekend, it's all mapped out and everyone is ready to build...while I supervise! Apparently having cancer gives you a reason to not have to do a lot of hard labour!....or maybe they just don't want me to help because they think I'll just be in the way, hmmm...either way I don't have to lift a finger!!!
I have no idea how much time we'll be able to spend at the trailer this summer but at least it will be a more comfortable and clean place for me to relax in while we are there.
Now, if only the incredibly immature rumour mill would stop churning out the most ridiculous stories and untruths...then time spent at the trailer would be that much more enjoyable! Oh, sorry....that was my outside voice! ;)
Next steps:
Friday May 21, 2010 - Blood work and meeting with Dr. Potvin for measurements.
Tuesday May 25, 2010 - 2nd round of Chemo (a.k.a. Eviction Notice #2)
Sunday, May 16, 2010
And so it begins...
Well I hoped that I would be that one rare case of breast cancer who didn't lose her hair....
I've known all along that I would but have been praying that I wouldn't lose it all. However, the thinning has started. Even being careful doesn't help much. Because of how short it is now I have to use more "product" than I ever have in the past to style it just the right way. It is the styling part that I see just how much is falling out....I put the product in my hair, take my hands out and look to see that my hands are covered in my hair.
I'm finding it upsetting, there was no way to prepare myself for this even though I've tried. I know in a few days after I've had it shaved off I will feel better but that seems like years from now. It is these times that I find it hard to stay positive....I remind myself that it is just a part of the treatment that is going to cure me but it is still hard.
I was hoping that blogging about this would help, I'm sorry to report that it's not working this time....I do have to remember that there are worse things in life, but I just can't think of what they are right now. Maybe I'll just make Paul tell me a joke so I can forget about it for a short time.
Sadly there is more on my mind than my hair tonight....something totally unrelated to my cancer. Someone we care very deeply about is in our prayers tonight, that's all I'll say about that for now....we love you!
It's getting late and I know I won't be getting much sleep tonight with so much on my mind...usually I find that reading lulls me in to sleep but I can't focus on the page enough to read. My eyes are heavy and sore but my mind is not tired, I can close my eyes but I won't sleep, at least not restfully.
I should at least try....good night.
I've known all along that I would but have been praying that I wouldn't lose it all. However, the thinning has started. Even being careful doesn't help much. Because of how short it is now I have to use more "product" than I ever have in the past to style it just the right way. It is the styling part that I see just how much is falling out....I put the product in my hair, take my hands out and look to see that my hands are covered in my hair.
I'm finding it upsetting, there was no way to prepare myself for this even though I've tried. I know in a few days after I've had it shaved off I will feel better but that seems like years from now. It is these times that I find it hard to stay positive....I remind myself that it is just a part of the treatment that is going to cure me but it is still hard.
I was hoping that blogging about this would help, I'm sorry to report that it's not working this time....I do have to remember that there are worse things in life, but I just can't think of what they are right now. Maybe I'll just make Paul tell me a joke so I can forget about it for a short time.
Sadly there is more on my mind than my hair tonight....something totally unrelated to my cancer. Someone we care very deeply about is in our prayers tonight, that's all I'll say about that for now....we love you!
It's getting late and I know I won't be getting much sleep tonight with so much on my mind...usually I find that reading lulls me in to sleep but I can't focus on the page enough to read. My eyes are heavy and sore but my mind is not tired, I can close my eyes but I won't sleep, at least not restfully.
I should at least try....good night.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Hair Cut!
So...we all know that I'm eventually going to lose all of my hair...yep, all of it! So why not have some fun with it while I can!
Here is what I looked like just a few days ago.....
(okay, so it was a few years ago but little has changed since this pic)
Here is what I look like now....
I'm Rockin' the short do!! And loving it!!! Thank you Lisa! I couldn't be happier with it! I can't wait for my hair to grow back so I can wear it like this all the time....I may never grow it long again!!
Here is what I looked like just a few days ago.....
(okay, so it was a few years ago but little has changed since this pic)
Here is what I look like now....
I'm Rockin' the short do!! And loving it!!! Thank you Lisa! I couldn't be happier with it! I can't wait for my hair to grow back so I can wear it like this all the time....I may never grow it long again!!
Monday, May 10, 2010
Mexico!!!
Sorry, it's been well over a week since my last post.....I have good reason! I was having a fantastic time in Mexico celebrating our neices wedding.
Here's how the next few days went:
May 1, 2010 - 24 hours after Chemo a nurse came to our home to give me an injection to increase/maintain bone density. Not 10 minutes after she left we too were out the door heading for Toronto! We didn't fly out until the following morning at 10:00 am but because we didn't know how I was going to feel we thought it best to get a hotel room for the night so that I could rest comfortably and sleep later. Otherwise we'd have been on a bus at 5:00 am and there would be no rest on that ride.
At around 8:00 pm (maybe earlier) I began to feel nauseous again, I took an anti-nausea pill and went to bed...in the giant king sized bed at the Hilton! So comfy! I awoke twice in the night, took another pill and drifted off again.
May 2, 2010 - We had set the alarm for 7:00 am....I woke up still nauseous but knew that I had to get moving! One more pill and I was good to go! I just had to force myself to stay awake...the nice hot shower did little to help that. I was slow to get ready but that was okay because we had the extra time. Once I got moving my stomach settled and we were off to the airport where I managed to get some breakfast down which also helped alot. The rest of the group arrived which also helped to keep my mind off of my stomach.
We flew out at 10:00 am with absolutely no sign of nausea! I was good to go until Monday morning when I had to take another anti-nausea pill. I've not had to take one since and have been feeling great.
May 3 - 4, 2010 - Fun in the sun! We hung out in the pool for hours! The water was so warm. Paul and I had a private pool access room that was situated away from the main pool. Every morning I'd get up make my coffee, go out on the balcony and read while I waited for Paul to wake up. As soon as he was up we'd take a dip in our pool and hang out for a while. It was so nice to be able to have the private time.
May 5, 2010 - Our 9th Wedding Anniversary! We spent some quality time together for most of the day before heading off to the Rehearsal dinner with the entire group that had travelled to Mexico for Andrea & Derek's wedding.
May 6, 2010 - The Wedding Day! The wedding didn't take place until 5:00 pm so we had some time to kill. We hung out with Steve (Bridesmaid Sarah's boyfriend), at the beach, in the pool, at the pool bar....it was a great day!!!
The Wedding couldn't have been more beautiful!!! Andrea made the most beautiful bride and together Andrea & Derek are a gorgeous couple! It is hard to find two people who are more genuine in their love for each other than these two. Congratulations Andrea & Derek!
The day after the wedding I beleive almost everyone spent at least 8 hours by and in the pool! It was far too hot for me to sit in the sun...or the shade for that matter so the pool it was! I've never had prune fingers so many times in one week in my entire life!! But it was totally worth it!
Our last full day in Mexico we spent on an excursion to the Tulum ruins and Xel-Ha (pronounced Shell ha) which is a big, natural water park where you can go snorkelling, take an inner tube down the lazy river, cliff jump, swim with Dolphins or a big ugly sea cow.... It was a great day spent with family!
Even wearing SPF 60 sun block, sitting in the shade or immersed in the pool I managed to come home with a good tan!! It was utterly impossible to avoid - I tried!
Now...let me tell you about "Uncle Paul"...everybody loves Uncle Paul! What can I say? He's a fun guy! Paul had a great time hanging out with the guys for Derek's Bachelor party and for the life of me I can't get any info out of him as to what went on that night....it's "the guy code"! "CHILLY WILLY'S!!!!!" is all I know! Some of you will know what that's all about. By the third day EVERYONE was calling him Uncle Paul and he was loving it! It is a prestigious title to have....especially on this holiday. He was in his element hanging out and having fun.....I wish I could have hung out as much but I was unable to keep my eyes open too late in to the evening....but I was there for all the day time antics!! And there were many!
We arrived home by 11:00 pm sunday night and it was straight to bed for me (after checking my email and Facebook...) because I was off to work the next morning!
I know this didn't have much to do with "Ted" (who was a total free loader on this trip!...he didn't pay for a thing!!) but the trip did let us forget about him for a little while!
Here's how the next few days went:
May 1, 2010 - 24 hours after Chemo a nurse came to our home to give me an injection to increase/maintain bone density. Not 10 minutes after she left we too were out the door heading for Toronto! We didn't fly out until the following morning at 10:00 am but because we didn't know how I was going to feel we thought it best to get a hotel room for the night so that I could rest comfortably and sleep later. Otherwise we'd have been on a bus at 5:00 am and there would be no rest on that ride.
At around 8:00 pm (maybe earlier) I began to feel nauseous again, I took an anti-nausea pill and went to bed...in the giant king sized bed at the Hilton! So comfy! I awoke twice in the night, took another pill and drifted off again.
May 2, 2010 - We had set the alarm for 7:00 am....I woke up still nauseous but knew that I had to get moving! One more pill and I was good to go! I just had to force myself to stay awake...the nice hot shower did little to help that. I was slow to get ready but that was okay because we had the extra time. Once I got moving my stomach settled and we were off to the airport where I managed to get some breakfast down which also helped alot. The rest of the group arrived which also helped to keep my mind off of my stomach.
We flew out at 10:00 am with absolutely no sign of nausea! I was good to go until Monday morning when I had to take another anti-nausea pill. I've not had to take one since and have been feeling great.
May 3 - 4, 2010 - Fun in the sun! We hung out in the pool for hours! The water was so warm. Paul and I had a private pool access room that was situated away from the main pool. Every morning I'd get up make my coffee, go out on the balcony and read while I waited for Paul to wake up. As soon as he was up we'd take a dip in our pool and hang out for a while. It was so nice to be able to have the private time.
May 5, 2010 - Our 9th Wedding Anniversary! We spent some quality time together for most of the day before heading off to the Rehearsal dinner with the entire group that had travelled to Mexico for Andrea & Derek's wedding.
May 6, 2010 - The Wedding Day! The wedding didn't take place until 5:00 pm so we had some time to kill. We hung out with Steve (Bridesmaid Sarah's boyfriend), at the beach, in the pool, at the pool bar....it was a great day!!!
The Wedding couldn't have been more beautiful!!! Andrea made the most beautiful bride and together Andrea & Derek are a gorgeous couple! It is hard to find two people who are more genuine in their love for each other than these two. Congratulations Andrea & Derek!
The day after the wedding I beleive almost everyone spent at least 8 hours by and in the pool! It was far too hot for me to sit in the sun...or the shade for that matter so the pool it was! I've never had prune fingers so many times in one week in my entire life!! But it was totally worth it!
Our last full day in Mexico we spent on an excursion to the Tulum ruins and Xel-Ha (pronounced Shell ha) which is a big, natural water park where you can go snorkelling, take an inner tube down the lazy river, cliff jump, swim with Dolphins or a big ugly sea cow.... It was a great day spent with family!
Even wearing SPF 60 sun block, sitting in the shade or immersed in the pool I managed to come home with a good tan!! It was utterly impossible to avoid - I tried!
Now...let me tell you about "Uncle Paul"...everybody loves Uncle Paul! What can I say? He's a fun guy! Paul had a great time hanging out with the guys for Derek's Bachelor party and for the life of me I can't get any info out of him as to what went on that night....it's "the guy code"! "CHILLY WILLY'S!!!!!" is all I know! Some of you will know what that's all about. By the third day EVERYONE was calling him Uncle Paul and he was loving it! It is a prestigious title to have....especially on this holiday. He was in his element hanging out and having fun.....I wish I could have hung out as much but I was unable to keep my eyes open too late in to the evening....but I was there for all the day time antics!! And there were many!
We arrived home by 11:00 pm sunday night and it was straight to bed for me (after checking my email and Facebook...) because I was off to work the next morning!
I know this didn't have much to do with "Ted" (who was a total free loader on this trip!...he didn't pay for a thing!!) but the trip did let us forget about him for a little while!
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