Post Surgery update

On Friday Oct 1, 2010 I underwent surgery and had a Radical Left Breast Mastectomy. It's "radical" because I had the lymph nodes in my left arm removed as well.

Before I went in to surgery I was very scared, I tried to hold back the tears but found it impossible. The doctors and nurses did their best to keep me calm. I can just imagine how Paul was sitting in the waiting room not hearing anything for hours, but he was in good company.

I wasn't necessarily worried about the surgery, I was worried about how I would feel about only having one breast when I was done.

They put me out for the surgery and they had to wake me up when it was over. I was a little ticked when they woke me up....I was having a good dream!

I was taken back to the "Surgical Day Care" unit where I could have visitors...first one in was Paul! Oh, I was so happy to see him! Next was my Mom! Then Sheree! Then Jen! How many people have an entire entourage in the waiting room for day surgery! (I'm sure I'm not the first). I thoroughly enjoyed all my visitors!

We were home by 1:30 pm that day....drainage bag in tow! Yeah, I have a tube sticking out of me attached to a bag that holds blood and lymph fluid that is draining from the hole. When it is draining less than 30cc's of fluid in a 24 hour period they will take it out. On Saturday the nurse came to the house and took 120cc's from it...it's been decreasing every day since and today it was down to 43cc's. Hopefully tomorrow it will be under 30 and it can be taken out the following day! Fingers crossed...it's uncomfortable.

I've been doing all the exercises and stretches that the doctor ordered. I have 6 different exercises that I have to be able to do 10 reps each of by this coming friday. I'm there! I can do 10 reps of each....just barely without completely wearing myself out! But by the time I see my doctor again it will be much easier.

So...how do I feel about having only one breast? I'm actually okay with it. I honestly didn't think that I would but I really am. The bandages on the incision are only covering the incision so I can see that there is nothing there.....not like in the movies where there are loads of bandages covering the affected area and there is a big reveal. I first saw myself just minutes after I woke up from surgery alone in the recovery room. I was still a little woozy but I do remember thinking "that's it?!?" I kept looking at it the rest of the day just to make sure I was still okay with it....I think I was trying to make myself be upset by it but found that I really couldn't! I'm really okay with it. When I don't think about the fact that I only have one I forget that I only have one....kind of like when I put on a sweater and then attempt to pull my long hair out of the collar! Yeah, it's been months and I still do that!

Before surgery I prayed...all the way through I prayed....but just before surgery I prayed that He would give me the strength to accept what I will look like when I came out. He answered my prayer, I've accepted it. Now I just need to heal and get back to my normal life!

Now, I'm at home resting, recovering, exercising.....and when I'm not doing those things I'm totally, completely and utterly BORED!! I have books to read and shows to watch, which I've been doing, but you can only read so many books and watch so much TV before you're tired of it. As soon as this tube is out I will be more mobile and be able to do more. But for now I stay in the house in my pj's and when I catch my reflection in the mirror I think..."if I didn't know me, I wouldn't recognize me!" My hair is growing back more and more each day but since I am not leaving the house I haven't bothered to put any make up on! Haha, it's kind of funny....I'll have to do a before and after picture!

It will be nice when the tube is out and the bandages are off and I can throw on a hoodie and go out somewhere! What will be even better is getting a prosthetic to wear and getting back to work! Because I'm really okay with myself Paul has been able to keep working this week and doesn't have to worry about "babysitting" me but when he comes home he gets to hear all about what I didn't do during the day....he's ready for me to go back too and he only sees me in the evening!

I'll blog again when the tube is out...between now and then I don't see anything exciting enough to blog about happening!

Feeling more at ease...

I got home from work today and had a melt down....Paul picked me up and helped me to feel better as he always does, but I was still scared.

We went to visit Michelle. She made us feel much better about tomorrow's surgery and even showed us her scar. It wasn't scary at all, which was a relief!

I'm still scared, but I might get some sleep tonight!

Surgery is looming....

Well....it's almost here....surgery. I don't know how ready I am, but really how do you prepare for this?!? I try to imagine myself without but, of course, it's difficult to imagine being without something that's been attached to you your entire life! But....if I don't do it.....Forget that, I don't want to think what could happen if I didn't do it!! So here we go, under the knife.

I have to be at the hospital at 6:30 am and my surgery is booked for 8:30 am. After surgery I will be in the recovery room for about an hour and then I get sent home! Yep that's right...breast removal is day surgery!! I will have a drainage tube in for about a week, won't that be fun! A nurse will come to the house once to show us how to drain the bag and then we're on our own! Lucky for us we know some medical professionals who will be ready and willing to help if/WHEN we need them!

Thinking back to when this all began, when it really started to get scary, I remember lying on my bed having a really good cry and thinking to myself "I'd better get used to seeing these four walls and spending hours upon hours in bed!" But that never happened. I was terrified of what lay ahead of me but soon realized that it wasn't so scary. I was afraid of losing my hair but I quickly learned to embrace baldness. I know that losing my hair and losing my breast are very different but I got through that and I will get through this!

I talked to my friend Michelle tonight. She's had the surgery already and because she is getting standard treatment she is currently going through radiation so she makes the round trip to the hospital everyday. I told her that my surgery is on Friday and we chatted about what I should expect. We decided that we should get together and chatt, so tomorrow night (Thursday) Paul and I are heading over to her place to visit! She actually lives pretty close to us. I'm very excited! Just in time!

The appointment we were supposed to have rescheduled with Dr. Richard doesn't look like it's going to happen. Her partner has been diagnosed with Breast Cancer and she is taking care of that situation. I really wish she could fit us in because I know she could help me feel so much better about surgery. Actually......I'm trying to be nice about the situation, but I'm really ticked! And that's all I'll say on this topic.

Everyone tells me that I seem as though I'm handling it well and I guess on the outside it looks as though I am. But on the inside I'm scared shitless! Pardon my language but I am! What I want is for the next month to fly by! I just want to get passed this part and carry on with my life!

Well, I'll keep you posted! I'll blog again as soon as I can!

More pictures....

I was just flipping through some picture files and found these....enjoy!!

Me and Pauly...bald.Paul in the short wig....lookin' good Mr. Cotter!

Paul rockin' the short wig!

Pictures are posted

I have added pictures to the "No More Chemo" post. Scroll to the bottom of that post to see them.

Sorry for the wait....latest update! Sept 21, 2010

So...since my last post my taste buds are becoming more and more normal every day. Food is no longer revolting! They aren't back totally but I can eat anything I want now without worrying if it's going to be gross or not. What a relief!

My hair is filling in nicely, I will be ditching the wig in a couple of weeks...maybe sooner.

Today I had my final ultra sound. Well, after the mix up of appointment times it was today.... A few weeks ago I received a message from my surgeon's office on our home phone telling me that my appointment was on Monday September 20 at 2:00pm and I should have been there by 1:45pm. I arrived at 1:30pm to check in and was told that they showed my appointment was for Tuesday, not Monday!! The funny part was that the time of my appointment on Tuesday had been changed from 1:45pm to 3:00pm but I hadn't received a phone call about that change. The receptionist told me that I was never scheduled for the Monday....but that was the message I had received weeks before and I am positive of it. However, if someone had called me about the time change for the Tuesday appointment I would have known and would not have shown up on the Monday. Anyway, this morning I was preparing to leave for work when the phone rang....weird, no one calls us in the morning. It was "central booking" calling to tell me there was a change in my appointment!!!! Oh good! Finally, someone called!

.....I digress..... So I had my ultra sound appointment today. I did not get to see Martha, the technician I've had for every other ultra sound. I did not catch the name of the technician who performed the procedure on me today but she too was very nice. She took many pictures of "stuff"...I couldn't see the screen very well today. When she was done she said "I have to show these pictures to the doctor, I'll be right back." As soon as she mentioned the doctor I began to sweat wondering what she had to show him?!? My first thought was not a positive one....BUT when the technician returned she said "you're all done and free to go!" So, the doctor didn't need to see me! Awesome!!

There is one more test I need to do before surgery on Friday Oct 1. The Sesta Mibi that I have explained previously. I've not been scheduled for it yet and I'm getting a little concerned so I made some phone calls and sent some emails today....hopefully I'll get some answers tomorrow.

About a month ago I finally contacted Dr. Annette Richard who is one of the founders of FACE IT in London. Here is her website http://www.faceitlondon.com/. It is a service offered to Breast Cancer patients that provides information and support for every step of the way through treatment and surgery. I knew about this program early on in my "journey" but I decided that I was handling things well on my own (with the support of my family and friends) and that I would not use such services until I felt I needed to so as not to take time away from those people who needed it more than I did. Well...my support system is great but when it comes to the surgery part I felt I needed someone who knows all the in's and out's of what I was going to face. So I contacted Annette. We had a meeting scheduled for Monday Sept 20 at 5:30pm but Annette called me in the afternoon to ask if we could reschedule because her friend and co-worker was having a breast scare issue of her own and she wanted to be with her. I, of course, knew exactly what her friend was going through so I agreed to reschedule.

Even though I only spoke to Annette on the phone for 5 minutes the first time we made contact I immediately felt better about surgery...wow, she's good! I can't wait until we actually meet her and hear what she has to teach us about surgery. I'll keep you posted!

So...in my post about my last chemo treatment I promised pictures....I'm posting them as soon as I'm done with this one! Promise!

News Flash.....

I just had lunch....no, that's not the news worthy part, everyone has lunch.....it was tasty!!!! That's the news worthy part!

Knock on wood, fingers crossed, kiss the blarney stone.....whatever, I think my taste buds are coming back!! Yay!!