Post Surgery update

On Friday Oct 1, 2010 I underwent surgery and had a Radical Left Breast Mastectomy. It's "radical" because I had the lymph nodes in my left arm removed as well.

Before I went in to surgery I was very scared, I tried to hold back the tears but found it impossible. The doctors and nurses did their best to keep me calm. I can just imagine how Paul was sitting in the waiting room not hearing anything for hours, but he was in good company.

I wasn't necessarily worried about the surgery, I was worried about how I would feel about only having one breast when I was done.

They put me out for the surgery and they had to wake me up when it was over. I was a little ticked when they woke me up....I was having a good dream!

I was taken back to the "Surgical Day Care" unit where I could have visitors...first one in was Paul! Oh, I was so happy to see him! Next was my Mom! Then Sheree! Then Jen! How many people have an entire entourage in the waiting room for day surgery! (I'm sure I'm not the first). I thoroughly enjoyed all my visitors!

We were home by 1:30 pm that day....drainage bag in tow! Yeah, I have a tube sticking out of me attached to a bag that holds blood and lymph fluid that is draining from the hole. When it is draining less than 30cc's of fluid in a 24 hour period they will take it out. On Saturday the nurse came to the house and took 120cc's from it...it's been decreasing every day since and today it was down to 43cc's. Hopefully tomorrow it will be under 30 and it can be taken out the following day! Fingers crossed...it's uncomfortable.

I've been doing all the exercises and stretches that the doctor ordered. I have 6 different exercises that I have to be able to do 10 reps each of by this coming friday. I'm there! I can do 10 reps of each....just barely without completely wearing myself out! But by the time I see my doctor again it will be much easier.

So...how do I feel about having only one breast? I'm actually okay with it. I honestly didn't think that I would but I really am. The bandages on the incision are only covering the incision so I can see that there is nothing there.....not like in the movies where there are loads of bandages covering the affected area and there is a big reveal. I first saw myself just minutes after I woke up from surgery alone in the recovery room. I was still a little woozy but I do remember thinking "that's it?!?" I kept looking at it the rest of the day just to make sure I was still okay with it....I think I was trying to make myself be upset by it but found that I really couldn't! I'm really okay with it. When I don't think about the fact that I only have one I forget that I only have one....kind of like when I put on a sweater and then attempt to pull my long hair out of the collar! Yeah, it's been months and I still do that!

Before surgery I prayed...all the way through I prayed....but just before surgery I prayed that He would give me the strength to accept what I will look like when I came out. He answered my prayer, I've accepted it. Now I just need to heal and get back to my normal life!

Now, I'm at home resting, recovering, exercising.....and when I'm not doing those things I'm totally, completely and utterly BORED!! I have books to read and shows to watch, which I've been doing, but you can only read so many books and watch so much TV before you're tired of it. As soon as this tube is out I will be more mobile and be able to do more. But for now I stay in the house in my pj's and when I catch my reflection in the mirror I think..."if I didn't know me, I wouldn't recognize me!" My hair is growing back more and more each day but since I am not leaving the house I haven't bothered to put any make up on! Haha, it's kind of funny....I'll have to do a before and after picture!

It will be nice when the tube is out and the bandages are off and I can throw on a hoodie and go out somewhere! What will be even better is getting a prosthetic to wear and getting back to work! Because I'm really okay with myself Paul has been able to keep working this week and doesn't have to worry about "babysitting" me but when he comes home he gets to hear all about what I didn't do during the day....he's ready for me to go back too and he only sees me in the evening!

I'll blog again when the tube is out...between now and then I don't see anything exciting enough to blog about happening!